Why am I so angry about a modeling show, you ask? Well, because Australia’s Next Top Model actually has an ounce of relevance in the fashion industry. Alice Burdeu is a legitimate supermodel… even Demelza Reveley can say that she appeared in Vogue. This isn’t ‘a spread in Seventeen magazine edited by the bird queen, Ann Suckett’. The prizes are the real deal. Every single girl this cycle was plausible as a model.

And who do they choose? A fucking 5 foot 8, 132 pound mall rat with chronic open mouth syndrome, a fake personality and frizzy hair. Versus a girl with cheekbones for miles, great lips and a sick body. All because the vote comes down to the Australian public, who actually thinks that ‘inner beauty’ = modeling prowess.

Fuck you Sarah Murdoch.

I’m still reeling over the loss of Clare, who deserved, in EVERY WAY to be in the top 2, but I’m sure Sarah’s agenda required that she be tossed in order to pave the way for Tahnee’s victory. After all, Clare won the fan prize (as did fellow 3rd placers Jordan Loukas and Samantha Downie), so she would have wiped the floor with Tahnee’s chunky ass. Cassi, who was edited as bogan trash from episode 1, would have a much harder time earning the crown over Tahnee.

The industry professionals? They ALL voted for Cassi. Not one of them voted for Tahnee. Only the simpering reality TV show douchebags chose her. The agencies in London from a couple episodes ago? Both of them wanted to sign Cassi right there. Both of these same agencies suggested that Tahnee try acting because the requirements aren’t as strict for bodies. Sounds like a nice way of saying ‘Buh-bye lard-ass’ to me. I mean, really? What’s the point? They crown her… She gets her prizes… and then she fades into obscurity. The agencies in London weren’t just pulling this shit out of their asses.

TAHNEE IS TOO FAT TO BE A MODEL. By normal standards, she’s fine. But standing 5’8 and weighing 132 is NOT going to cut it in the high fashion world. If she wants to sit on her face and be a beauty model, then go right ahead, but Australia has proven that they can do better. They could have gotten a winner who London agencies were practically slobbering over. But no. Let’s reward a ‘real’ body.

All over Facebook and Youtube, people were throwing fits about how Sarah favored Cassi because she was allowed to stay week after week despite her wishy-washy feelings over the competition.

NEWSFLASH… CASSI IS SIXTEEN FUCKING YEARS OLD. Not everyone is going to be a picture of class and maturity like Clare… Cassi has clearly always been a wild child but the editing portrayed her like some stank ho who was pouring beers on everyone’s weave. Not true. And again, did she ever give anyone a hard time on set? Uh, no. So fuck this inner beauty shit. The bitch was fierce.

Week by Week Comparison-

Swimsuit Couture-

Edge- Cassi. Her shot is the best of the week. Tahnee’s isn’t too shabby, admittedly. But Cassi’s pose is divine and her face is completely in control.

Tulle on Trapeze-

Edge- CASSI. Hahaha, oh my god. Tahnee’s picture is such a fucking joke. Like, way to show off every ounce of that 132, baby doll. Cassi’s picture is adorable.

Beauty Shots-

Edge- Cassi. Tahnee’s squinting hinders the beautiful, flowing hair. Cassi looks like a little, inquisitive deer. It’s divine.

U by Kotex-

Edge- Cassi. I don’t like either of them, but at least Cassi looks like a model, whereas Tahnee’s body flaws are NOT helped by her pose or the dress they put her in.

Lingerie in the Outback-

Edge- Cassi. Absolutely flawless picture, and the best shot from Australia’s Next Top Model, bar none. Tahnee’s is good, but not on the same level.

Chanel-

Edge- Cassi. This is another decent performance by Tahnee, but that’s all it is… Decent. She never really rose to a ‘Wow’ level. Cassi has a body made for Chanel, while Tahnee, though interesting, doesn’t sell anything to me.

Trampoline-

Edge- Tahnee. She channels Miranda Kerr here, while there’s a whole lotta wrong going on with Cassi.

Celebrity Impersonations-

Edge- Cassi. Tahnee is much more Madonna than Elizabeth Taylor and she’s not embodying any of Liz’s grace or elegance.

Stupid London Photoshoot-

Edge- Cassi. Cassi has a model body, yet again. Tahnee is posing for her MySpace.

Beach-

Edge- Cassi. Tahnee looks beautiful, but Cassi has delivered yet another flawless shot.

Yeah, suck on that, inner beauty. Cassi is SUPREME.

And now for even more of an in depth comparison of why Tahnee didn’t deserve to win:

Tahnee vs. Laura T-

Victor- Tahnee. Laura T’s first photo was busted.

Tahnee vs Leah-

Victor- Leah. I would have axed Tahnee in week 2 for her horrible photo.

Tahnee vs Georgie-

Victor- Georgie. Tahnee’s beauty shot was stronger, but Georgie was much more impressive in person.

Tahnee vs. Eloise-

Victor- Eloise. Eloise had an incredible body and unique face. Tahnee’s U by Kotex photo was far from special.

Tahnee vs. Mikarla-

Victor- MIKARLA. She was eliminated strictly on her personality, which is bullshit, because when you look that hot, you should be given another chance.

Tahnee vs. Madison-

Victor- Madison. Oodles more photogenic.

Tahnee vs. Lola-

Victor- Lola. She showed tremendous growth, whereas Tahnee never went above average.

Tahnee vs. Franky-

Victor- Tahnee. Franky had a few good shots, but she seriously overstayed her welcome.

Tahnee vs. Adele-

Victor- Adele. Another one that showed tremendous growth and took much better pictures.

Tahnee vs. Clare-

Victor- Clare. From the start, Clare was better. And she remained better for the whole competition.

Tahnee vs. Cassi-

Where do you think I stand here?

So, Tahnee is the third worst of the cycle. NICE JOB, AUSTRALIA.

But regardless, at least I’ll only have to see Tahnee in one magazine and then she’ll disappear, much like Demelza. And I’ll still watch Australia’s Next Top Model, although having to put up with Sarah will be tough now.

Thanks for staying tuned, folks!

Anyway, for those who don’t know… Clare was eliminated. Oh my fucking God. This has to be a sick joke… Two first call outs in a row and more class and maturity than the other two semi finalists put together. I’m 100% for Cassi now, who is almost ridiculously modelesque, and I already feel bad for her because the media is going to crucify her, but fuck them, baby girl. She’s fierce. Tahnee needs some de-frizzing serum and about a year and a half of crunches.

Anyway, the shots are these beautiful, grayish lit beach photos that remind me of Canada’s Sad Bride shoot (BY THE WAY– I’LL BE RECAPPING CANADA’S PHOTOS ON A NEW BLOG– http://cntm3.wordpress.com)

Cassi-

Oh. My. God. Please, sign this girl to every agency on the planet right now. This is so friggin beautiful… Her lips are beautiful… the longing in her arm, the intensity in her eyes. Cassi is a slam dunk… I don’t care if she’s a bogan, she’s a fucking Boganista and this picture is perfection. I literally gasped the first time I saw it.

Clare-

There’s a real vulnerability in this… I don’t think it’s hindered by the lack of neck either. At first, I thought this was the weakest shot, but she’s got a real maturity and class (obviously… she pretty much IS maturity and class) in this shot and I like it. Her skin and the windswept hair are really lovely.

Tahnee-

Oh my god, Tahnee at the bottom again. Who would have thought? I hate the tension in her posture, but I’ll admit that this is farrrr from bad. Her body actually looks great, which doesn’t happen often and this is much more beautiful than I expected from her. Still, this is not in the same league as Cassi’s shot. Cassi for the win 100 times over.

Final Photo Averages-

Clare (2.5)- 3/1/1/5/2/3/6/1/1/2

Cassi (2.8)- 1/3/3/6/1/4/4/2/3/1

Madison (4)- 2/7/6/1/4

Adele (4.2) – 7/8/9/3/3/1/2/3/2

Tahnee (5.3)- 4/11/4/9/6/5/3/4/4/3

Mikarla (5.7)- 10/6/5/2

Lola (5.8)- 6/12/11/4/5/2/1

Franky (6.3)- 8/5/7/7/7/7/5/5

Eloise (6.7)- 5/10/2/10

Laura M (7.1)- 9/2/10/8/8/6

Georgie (7.6)- 11/4/8

Leah (10.5)- 12/9

Laura T- 13

And with that, we have only 1 episode of Australia’s Next Top Model Cycle 5 to go, and it’s the finale, so as a special bonus, I bring you my top 10 favorite shots of the cycle, in no order (Starting with the two girls who are left and working down in the order of elimination)-

This has been a cycle full of greatness, so a bottom 10 is probably not going to happen.

Speaking of Britain, the girls want to London and had to do some cheap looking photo with the icky Gerry Deveaux. This douche makes me appreciate Peasy-Lemon-Squeezy, and I never thought I’d say that. Although neither of them hold a candle to Jay Manuel.

Uh, here we go-

Clare-

The pose *is* a little corny and it doesn’t elongate her body at all, but I like the carnality in her face. And she certainly looks ‘expinsive’

Adele-

I do understand what the judges meant when they said this was cheap… If I didn’t know the dress was valued at 100,000 bucks, I would think this picture was pretty divine, but knowing that… I can’t help but think that the pose cheapens it. I love her skin though. Soooo alabaster and purdy.

Cassi-

I don’t buy that this was her best shot. Her face sucks. But look at her body. My gaaaawd. Storm Models agrees– Cassi is BANK.

Tahnee-

Go back to the mall, and take your Myspace photo with you, Tahnee. Seriously, look at how short her legs are!

So, with that… we say goodbye to the fair Adele and are stuck with Tahnee, and blessed with Clare and Cassi. Either of the Cs can win at this point, please and thank you.

Scores-

Clare (2.5)- 3/1/1/5/2/3/6/1/1

Cassi (3)- 1/3/3/6/1/4/4/2/3

Madison (4)- 2/7/6/1/4

Adele (4.2) – 7/8/9/3/3/1/2/3/2

Tahnee (5.5)- 4/11/4/9/6/5/3/4/4

Mikarla (5.7)- 10/6/5/2

Lola (5.8)- 6/12/11/4/5/2/1

Franky (6.3)- 8/5/7/7/7/7/5/5

Eloise (6.7)- 5/10/2/10

Laura M (7.1)- 9/2/10/8/8/6

Georgie (7.6)- 11/4/8

Leah (10.5)- 12/9

Laura T- 13

Clare as Twiggy-

Well, HELLO PERFECTION. After a terrible photo last week, it’s nice to see Clare back on top. While she doesn’t look exactly like the Twigster, you can definitely tell who she’s embodying… She did a great job nailing the doe eyed thing that Twiggy is so famous for.

Adele as Greta Garbo-

I knew she’d be in the bottom 2– The judges needed to start her decline now because she won’t win, and her recent performance has been so strong… I used to think Australia’s Next Top Model was above all that manipulation shit, but clearly not. Anyway, this isn’t bottom 2 worthy in any way. I think she’s mastered the grace and elegance of Greta Garbo very well here, and her skin looks amazing.

Cassi as Victoria Beckham-

I don’t know what everyone’s issue with the picture is. She’s got the high, sucked in looking cheekbones and the sort of haughty, disdainful expression that Miz Becks has. I can look at this shot and know who she’s supposed to be.

Tahnee as Elizabeth Taylor-

Ugh, GO HOME. She looks like a little girl playing dress-up… I like the sultry eyes, but she’s got vag arms central in the dress and there’s just no real elegance about this… Something that Elizabeth Taylor had buckets of back in the day.

Franky as Grace Jones-

Oh. My. God. To quote the Dame– ‘You look like you just escaped from a mental institution!’ I mean, what was she thinking? There’s NO model in that face whatsoever! Have we forgotten the likes of Xiomara already?!

Heavens to Betsy… even though you can barely see the face, you can tell that the picture is lightyears above Franky’s! Oy!

Really, at this point… how are they going to justify anyone but Clare winning? She is so ridiculously ahead of the game… and this is coming from someone who adores Cassi.

On to the call-out scores… I recently did some revising and so the numbers are a bit different… I’ll post the new ones for all the girls and then include the new shots for the five who participated:

Clare (2.7)- 3/1/1/5/2/3/6/1

Cassi (3.2)- 1/3/3/6/1/4/4/3

Madison (4)- 2/7/6/1/4

Adele (4.3) – 7/8/9/3/3/1/2/2

Tahnee (5.7)- 4/11/4/9/6/5/3/4

Mikarla (5.7)- 10/6/5/2

Lola (5.8)- 6/12/11/4/5/2/1

Franky (6.3)- 8/5/7/7/7/7/5/5

Eloise (6.7)- 5/10/2/10

Laura M (7.1)- 9/2/10/8/8/6

Georgie (7.6)- 11/4/8

Leah (10.5)- 12/9

Laura T- 13

Lola-

What I Originally Thought: A bit manly, with a monstrous jaw. On the bright side, I was always a believer in her cheekbones.

Was I Right? She sort of sucked in Weeks 2 and 3, but she showed tremendous growth in her last three weeks of the competition. And she’s got probably the best personality and acting skills out of the group. So essentially? No.

Original Prediction: 9th

Actual Place on Show: 6th

Madison-

What I Originally Thought: I said she looked like Annalynne ‘Drunkface’ McCord. And I predicted that they’d lose the frizzy blonde hair. Obviously, in second to last place, I didn’t think she’d photograph well without her furball.

Was I Right? For the most part, no. She’s much cuter than Drunkface, first and foremost. And she didn’t lose the frizzy blonde hair, even though they did take the time to straighten it a couple of times. No, the thing I was most wrong about was that the bitch actually COULD model.

Original Prediction: 11th

Actual Place on the Show: 8th

Leah-

What I Originally Thought: I called her a poor man’s Samantha Downie with Demelza eyes and officially considered myself a non-believer unless she did something special.

Was I Right? I was actually… too nice. She’s not unattractive, but comparing her to Sam Downie was sort of… an insult to Sam. And her eyes are not so much Demelza as they are… wonky. I wouldn’t have been devastated to see her go first.

Original Prediction: 7th

Actual Place on the Show: 12th

Laura M-

What I Originally Thought: I couldn’t get over her damn outfit, but I also accused her of not being Asian enough.

Was I Right? She was definitely Asian enough, but she was also a bit boring in her photos, save for one. I think my sort of ‘meh’ assessment was fair.

Original Prediction: 8th

Actual Place on Show: 7th

Franky-

What I Originally Thought: I loved her big hair, but hated the snarl on her face.

Was I Right? The big hair ended up being more of a hindrance than anything, and she looked infinitely better when they chopped it off. And the snarl didn’t help. All that aside, I like her better than the average AusNTM viewer.

Original Prediction- 10th

Actual Place on the Show- Still in the running, though I suspect she’s next to go.

Mikarla-

What I Originally Thought: Loved her soft, delicate look. Hated her hairdo.

Was I Right? As far as the soft and delicate thing goes, absolutely. She easily became one of my favorites, even in her short time on the show.

Original Prediction: 12th

Actual Place on Show: 10th (Part of a double elimination with Eloise)

Eloise-

What I Originally Thought: I said she was lovely but might not be too photogenic overall.

Was I Right? Yes and no. She had a nice face, but her nose was weird and she looked better at an angle than she did straight on.

Original Prediction- Runner-Up

Actual Place on Show- 10th (Part of a double elimination with Mikarla)

Georgie-

What I Originally Thought: I called her the Australian answer to Elina Ivanova.

Was I Right? Not really. She’s much cuter and younger looking than Elina. She photographed well, and was unfairly ragged on by the judges.

Original Prediction: 5th

Actual Place on Show- 11th

Cassi-

What I Originally Thought- I was blown away by her gorgeous cheekbones and lips.

Was I Right? Absolutely, and then some. She has gorgeous bone structure and she knows how to use it. Even her bad teeth look okay.

Original Prediction: 6th

Actual Place on Show: Still in the running. It wouldn’t shock me if she won.

Clare-

What I Originally Thought: I said that her face sort of bugged me in this picture, but that I thought it was a fluke. I predicted great things from her.

Was I Right? Absolutely. She’s almost out of worldly… that’s how beautiful she is.

Original Prediction: Winner

Actual Place on Show: Still in the running, although I think she’ll unfortunately come in 3rd.

Tahnee-

What I Originally Thought: I thought the judges would love her wonderfully Australian, clean look.

Was I Right? Mmmmhmmm. If she looked as beautiful in real life or in pictures as she does in this promo shot, I’d be okay with it, but I’m pissed that I actually put her above Clare and Cassi based on first impressions. What was I thinking?

Original Prediction: 4th

Actual Place on Show: Still in the running, and she’ll either be the runner-up or the winner.

Laura T-

What I Originally Thought: I said she was one of the most beautiful contestants the show has ever seen and I was pissed about her elimination (I made the list right after the first episode aired but before I saw it)

Was I Right? Looking back, no. She’s not THAT pretty. There’s something rodent-like about her features, and she was one of the shorter girls. Still, she didn’t have to go first.

Original Prediction: N/A

Actual Place on Show: 13th.

Adele-

What I Originally Thought- Was there anyone who didn’t pee a little when they saw this picture? She looks absolutely incredible.

Was I Right? She really had nowhere to go but down, unfortunately. She started off weak, but her Chanel shoot really lived up to this incredible promo, in my eyes.

Original Prediction- 3rd

Actual Place on the Show- Still in the running, but I think she’ll come in 4th. Sarah hates her.

=)

More offensively, her shot was the best this week! And who gets the praise? FUCKING TAHNEE. First call out… for what? Being a mess in panel? Even more upsetting is the ‘prissy bitch’ edit that Clare is getting. Honestly, if Clare really does come in third as is being rumored, Cassi better win.

The brief this week was to jump on a trampoline in an ‘expinsive’ gown and not look like a lump of shit. Or something. The photos will be in hyperlink form because they’re massive-

Lola-

The angle on her chin is the best it’s ever been. For the first time, she doesn’t look like she could take out a town. I love the serenity in her expression and the way the dress is billowing around her. I love the pointed toes. I don’t even care that she lost an arm.

Tahnee-

I want to hate this picture because I really am completely and 100% over this girl, but I can’t. It’s a good shot. She’s paunching in the tits pretty hardcore, but I love the smile and it helps that her dress is interesting.

Adele-

Face is bland. Bland bland bland. Body pose? Stunning. She doesn’t even look like she’s jumping. I’m crazy about the body.

Cassi-

Her body is incredible… You can tell by the cut of the dress… Tahnee would look disgusting in that Alex Perry design. I hate the right arm though. HATE IT. It looks awkward as hell.

Franky-

She had the hardest dress to work with…. No soft billows around her, and I’ll give her credit for looking like she’s floating despite the illusion. The snarl continues to not work.

Clare-

So, my favorite gets a dead last. CAN YOU BLAME ME?! Look at her eyes? She looks like she’s going to plunge a stake into my head. It freaks me out. Add the weird, praying hands and I think she might be a demon.

Cassi (3.1)- 1/3/4/6/1/3/4 — This is the first time in the competition where Cassi has pulled ahead of Clare. I smell an editing ploy.

Clare (3.2)- 3/2/3/3/2/4/6

Madison – 4.2– Even after being gone for 2 photoshoots, she’s still doing better than most of the other girls!

Adele (4.8)- 8/8/9/2/3/1/3

Tahnee (5.4)- 4/11/1/9/6/5/2

Mikarla- 6.2

Franky (6.2)- 6/5/6/8/7/7/5

Lola (6.4)- 9/12/11/5/5/2/1

Laura M- 6.5

Eloise- 6.7

Georgie- 7.3

Leah- 10.5

Laura T- 13

The best shot of the week and another one of my favorite pictures from any top model show ever belongs to-

Adele-

She’s making this look like the zillion dollars that it inevitably cost. I love the little smirk on her face, and the pose is interesting, but not over the top. You notice the clothes. You can tell it’s expensive without seeing the big ass Chanel bag. It’s flawless. I adore everything about it.

Lola-

Surprised? She’s really growing, in my opinion. She’s come leaps and bounds since the week 2 and 3 shots she took. I think her big jaw really works here– It’s maybe not quintessential Chanel but the strong bones look very high fashion, and there’s no doubt that the clothes she’s wearing cost a shitload of money. Probably my favorite Lola picture to date.

Cassi-

She looks a little disengaged in what’s going on, but I think her body is fabulous. She’s wearing the clothes well, and you can tell they’re not cheap. I wish she would try harder… She’d be so ahead of the pack, it wouldn’t even be funny. As it were, I think this is still quite beautiful.

Clare-

There’s definitely nothing WRONG with this picture… I mean, she’s got a great little body and she looks high fashion, but she looks even less appropriate for Chanel than Lola does. I don’t get the ’8 zillion dollar’ vibe from this picture. NOW CHILL OUT, ALEX PERRY… IM NOT CALLING HER CHEAP. I just don’t think this fits the brief as well as some others. Obviously I still love the picture, and her.

Tahnee-

I like that this one is a bit different from all the others. I like how she’s turned her body to the side to hide her rather unfortunate size. She’s managed to look well… expensive. So, she fit the brief. I can give credit where credit is due. What pisses me off is that this apparently is a TEST SHOT, because her film was so crappy, and they had nothing good to choose from. I think Tahnee is going to win, especially if they’re going to do shit like that for her and then not stick her in the bottom 2.

Laura-

There’s something about her face that just doesn’t photograph too well. Even in her divine tulle on trapeze photo, her face was a little wonky, and here… it’s a lot wonky. It’s not a heinous picture… The clothes look decent, but this picture, and basically all her pictures since the aforementioned week 2 shot, haven’t done a thing for me.

Franky-

This is so frustrating, because now I have to listen to everyone talk about how much Franky sucks. I’ve been relatively okay with her for the duration of the cycle thus far. But this picture? It’s pretty damn terrible. She looks bored and gassy and even the shape of her body does nothing for the dress. Sorry Franky.

So, before I move onto scores, can we please talk about how getting a bottom 2 and then being saved is a serious kiss of death?

Week 2- Leah and Georgie. Georgie is saved. She’s eliminated in Week 3.

Week 3- Georgie and Mikarla. Mikarla is saved. She’s eliminated in Week 4.

Week 5- Madison and Laura. Laura is saved. She’s eliminated in Week 6.

So, is Franky next? My guess is yes.

Clare (2.8)- 3/2/3/3/2/4

Cassi (3)- 1/3/4/6/1/3

Madison – 4.2

Adele (5.1)- 8/8/9/2/3/1

Mikarla- 6.2

Tahnee (6)- 4/11/1/9/6/5

Franky (6.5)- 6/5/6/8/7/7

Laura M (6.5)- 7/1/10/7/8/6

Eloise- 6.7

Lola (7.3)- 9/12/11/5/5/2

Georgie- 7.3

Leah- 10.5

Laura T- 13

The best photo of the week, and probably one of the best of the cycle-

That is such an ad. I’ll even forgive the fact that she’s hiding the lingerie because the face is perfection. If I were choosing her best shot, there’s no way I could pass this up. It’s absolutely perfect. I can’t stop looking at it.

Clare-

Sorry that the photo is glitched…. I stole it from my forum, and it just happened to be like that… I don’t think it takes away from the awesomeness that is this picture. Clare manages to nail something strong and sultry. She’s all bent and broken down and it’s just gorgeous.

Adele-

I just noticed that the bra is squishing her side boob, and that sort of bugs me, so I bumped it down to third. I love her face though– She’s bringing a lot of intensity, which brings me back to his lovely pre-show work. I think she needs to tone up a little bit though.

Madison-

It’s vaguely reading ‘sexual assault victim’, and I actually think her lion hair would have looked cool in this setting, but she REALLY looks sexy. Like, sexier than she’s ever looked before. That makes yet another elimination that I don’t agree with. YUP. She was eliminated for that picture! WTF!?

Lola-

It’s not especially sultry, but it looks like a still out of a movie. She wisely tilted her chin down. I like it. Massive improvement from some of her other shots.

Tahnee-

It’s a little ‘Girl in big sister’s dress’ up, and her body really needs work. It’s never been so evident… Her legs are pretty hefty. But I love the sultry look on her face. Judges need to stop overrating her before I have issues.

Franky-

She’s doing the Franky scowl again… but it’s not a horrible call. In fact, more of the issues in this shot are the fault of the stylist. What is with the cups on that bra? She just looks a little uncomfortable.

Laura-

Seriously? She looks like a Real Doll. It’s just NOT sultry in any way, so she missed the brief.

Scores-

Clare (2.6)- 3/2/3/3/2

Cassi (3)- 1/3/4/6/1

Madison (4.2)- 2/6/8/1/4

Adele (6)- 8/8/9/2/3

Mikarla- 6.2

Tahnee (6.2)- 4/11/1/9/6

Franky (6.4)- 6/5/6/8/7

Laura M (6.6)- 7/1/10/7/8

Eloise- 6.7

Georgie- 7.3

Lola (8.4)- 9/12/11/5/5

Leah- 10.5

Laura T- 13

The photoshoot was some sort of surreal tampon commercial where tampons weren’t mentioned. Not even once. They had to walk down a street, hang onto a tram of some sort… I doubt any of them achieved the awesomeness that is this:

Yeah, try again in your next lifetime.

Because the photos are so large, I’m going to post the links to each photo in order of preference just so you can see it in its full glory, and then I’ll post my thoughts after each link!

Madison-

I love the whimsical nature of the body, but the completely relaxed face. I think the right arm, although a little limp, works well. It’s her best picture to date.

Adele-

Finally, this bitch gives me something! She looks saucy and sweet. She’s also one of the only girls in a long dress without any body distortion. Kudos.

Clare-

I may be a little bit biased, but look at the expression on her face! That is just adorable! I love the little kick of the leg!

Mikarla-

Ugh, damn her and her bad attitude. I called this happening, and it diiiid. She looks amazing in this picture… Very Claudia Schiffer-esque.

Lola-

The dress makes her look huge, but for once, she’s doing something nice with her face. And she also looks about 30 feet tall.

Cassi-

Easily her weakest so far. Her jaw looks tense and weird, but I think she wears the dress much better than a lot of girls wore them.

Laura-

The facial expression reads ‘I’m nauseous’, and her legs look sort of thick, but I see Chanel Iman in this picture. Someone on one of my forums mentioned it and now I can’t see anything but Chanel in this shot.

Franky-

Her mouth is weird… Kinda like she’s going ‘OOOOH GIRL’ and then got the shot as she was saying “Girl”… And her back arm looks busted up. I love her flowy hair though. I’m sort of thinking that they should have given her extensions.

Tahnee-

Her body actually looks pretty dreadful… Her boobs are pushed out, her midsection looks thick. And on top of that, her face is tense. Remarkably inconsistent, this one.

Eloise-

I love her body sooo much, but the face just destroys this. Murders it. Cuts it up into little pieces. And even that hot little body looks distorted. Yikerz.

Clare (2.7)- 3/2/3/3

Cassi (3.5)- 1/3/4/6

Madison (4.2)- 2/6/8/1

Mikarla (6.2)- 9/7/5/4

Tahnee (6.2)- 4/11/1/9

Laura M (6.2)- 7/1/10/7

Franky (6.2)- 6/5/6/8

Eloise (6.7) – 5/10/2/10

Adele (6.7)- 8/8/9/2

Georgie- 7.3

Lola (9.2)- 9/12/11/5

Leah- 10.5

Laura T- 13

New Predictions-

13th- Laura T.

12th- Leah

11th- Georgie

9th- Eloise

9th- Mikarla

8th- Madison

7th- Laura

6th- Lola

5th- Franky

4th- Adele

3rd- Tahnee

2nd- Cassi

Winner- Clare

I’m just going to keep speculating every episode… But I’m quite confident in the winner.

Basically, the ladies had to do some lovely looking beauty shoot to show off their makeover. I’ll rank them in order and then talk about their makeover. Aaaand, then I’m going to give newish predictions. Y’know, since uh, I had Georgie coming in fifth and all.

Tahnee-

This picture is so beautiful and ethereal. Even though she’s very young, she looks mature and soft. This really is like an Italian Elle cover. I love her makeover… the change is subtle, but it looks wonderful.

Eloise-

God, I love this picture. I love it almost as much as Tahnee’s. She looks like Gisele Bundchen in this picture. Her makeover is extensions, I think, or maybe it’s just some strategic curling. Either way, it looks incredible. Best we’ve seen from her.

Clare-

I think she looks almost out of worldly in this picture…. Like some kind of alien life form with lovely, spun gold hair. Once again, Clare is amazing. And her makeover? Practically non-existent… she didn’t need one.

Cassi-

She has bad teeth… No doubt, but there’s something so ‘caught in the moment’ lovely about this. It’s got a very Kate Moss Obsession feel to it. I love this girl.

Mikarla-

THIS was in the bottom 2? I think it’s so soft and pretty… I can’t tell at all that she was having a reaction to something in her eye. She’s an idiot for bitching about her makeover… She looks infinitely better. I love her, even though she’s completely stank.

Franky-

I really love her new look, you can see all her incredible bones in her face, although she is sort of Aminat-lipped and one-note in the mouth. Her makeover is the best one.

Georgie-

I do not get what the judges deal with this one was… I think she is so fresh and lovely looking… This picture reminds me of a child star or something. And yes, I guess she looks about 12 or so, but isn’t Tyra always harping about the industry being obsessed with youth? She’s looking pretty young to me! I like her makeover, although it wasn’t enough to edge her out.

Madison-

I just think the whole thing is a bit average. I like her makeover though, because it makes her more versatile. Although she definitely was back to frizzball several times throughout the episode.

Adele-

She reminds me of this little girl that I babysit. Like, her face even has similar baby fat. Adele is turning out to be a bigger disappointment than America’s Sandra, who I was sooo sure would win Cycle 12. Her hair washes her out… It’s much too bright, and this is coming from a ginger enthusiast.

Laura-

Her face is gorgeous, but whoever styled her hair for this shit needs to be punched in the face. It looks lumpy and weird. And she’s squinting way too hard.

Lola-

Part of this is that I just don’t like her look. Her jaw is massive and it just looks masculine to me. But I also think this picture isn’t nearly soft enough. I like HER though.

These shots took forfuckingever to rank… It was so hard!

Updated Call-Out Score-

Cassi (2.6)- 1/3/4

Clare (2.6)- 3/2/3

Tahnee (5.3)- 4/11/1

Madison (5.3)- 2/6/8

Eloise (5.6) – 5/10/2

Franky (5.6)- 6/5/6

Laura M (6)- 7/1/10

Mikarla (7)- 9/7/5

Georgie (7.3)- 11/4/7

Adele (8.3)- 8/8/9

Leah- 10.5

Lola (10.6)- 9/12/11

Laura T- 13

New Predictions-

13th- Laura T.

12th- Leah

11th- Georgie

10th- Laura M

9th- Franky

8th- Mikarla

7th- Madison

6th- Lola

5th- Adele

4th- Eloise

3rd- Tahnee

2nd- Cassi

Winner- Clare